Little blessings, accomplishments, and disappointment of the week

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1. I took Examination Three of my homestudy; just like the previous two, I got a perfect score.

2. I finally got my copy of The Filipino Journal which features my article "I Miss You." It occupies almost one whole page of the newspaper and includes a photograph of me with a short biography.

3. I received a package from my Charlotte: shirts, polo, and letters.

4. I finished reading two books, The Hundred Secret Senses by Amy Tan and Invisible Darkness (The Horrifying Case of Paul Bernardo and Karla Homolka) by Stephen Williams.

5. I watched on DVD the following films: Before Sunrise (1995) and Before Sunset (2004) (starring Julie Delpy and Ethan Hawke) and Angela's Ashes (1999). I fell in love with the soundtrack of Before Sunset, particularly "A Waltz for a Night," which was composed and performed by Julie Delphy herself. I already have a copy of it. Thanks to Limewire.

"I don't care what they say / I know what you meant for me that day / I just wanted another try / I just wanted another night / Even if it doesn't seem quite right / You meant for me much more / Than anyone I've met before"

6. I gave myself a haircut.

7. At last, I picked among my book collection The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger as the next book to read. I'm on Chapter Two.

8. I finished writing a few minutes ago a new article for The Filipino Journal, entitled "Marunong Ka Bang Mag-Filipino?", in which I differentiated Tagalog and Filipino and emphasized the fact that no language is pure—not even English.

"English spelling is hybrid—the product of Anglo-Saxon, French and classical traditions, with many outside influences.”—Steven Roger Fischer, A History of Writing (2004, Reaktion Books Ltd.)

9. This afternoon, I watched The Last Samurai (Tom Cruise) for the fourth time.

10. I received from SnooG a copy of Modern English's Everything Is Mad (1996). I already heard this album years ago, but now a new sense of appreciation for this particular album of Modern English seems ripe. Yes, they didn't stop after Stop Start of 1986.

11. I checked in my CPU at Computer Boulevard last Tuesday (February 21). I decided to have them replace the motherboard because, according to one of the technical staff there, some of the capacitors were busted. I also bought an additional 80 Gigabyte hard disk drive. The installation fee was C$45. They promised that I could pick up the machine on the ensuing Friday. As of this afternoon, it's not yet available! So, no one can ever tell to my face that PROCRASTINATION and POOR SERVICE like this happen only in the Philippines. Such bad habits and human follies are universal after all. Even in Canada where I am, Time is not regarded as golden by many people—regardless of race. In the end, what matters really is self-discipline. I may be an eLf, but I'm never a saint. I'm guilty of such follies once in a while, but I try to improve myself especially in the area of time management.

But still! I want my CPU now!

The 55th of a Dozen Verses

(December 2005 poems)

"Bakit ang buhay ng tao, lagi na lang ganito—
Paikut-ikot, nakatatakot, parang trumpo
Minsan naman, akala mo'y isang payaso
Sa likod ng bawat patawa
Nakatago'y lungkot..."
—aLfie vera mella, "Parang karnabal—ganyan ang buhay ng tao"

The working front cover of my new band's upcoming debut single

Quite a while it has been, since the last dozen verses I posted. Yes, I'm still at it—writing poetry virtually every day. But since 2005 had recently ended, I was also able to put a close to my poetry anthology, Pagpagpag sa mga Inalikabok na Pangarap (At Iba Pang mga Tula), which documents all the Filipino poems I've written within the period 2003–2005. And here are some of the verses that grace the book's last pages.

I can now move on...into writing new poems for my next anthology.

Kahit masikat ang araw
Ay ubod pa rin ng lamig;
Sagad-butó—aking ginaw.

Madulas na ang kalye
Dahil sa tunáw na yelo—
Magmadali ay di p'wede.

Dapat makapal ang suot,
Tag-ñebe ay narito na;
Ulo't kamay ay may saplot.

Nakalilibang pagmasdan—
Kaputian ng paligid—
Hatid ay katahimikan.

Kahit ano ang panahon,
Musika'y di nawawala—
Karamay sa bawat hámon.

Madalas nakatunganga;
Tanghali lagi ang gising;
'la naman kasing magawa.

Meron nga ba akong silbi?
Darating nga ba ang s'werte?
Mangyari ngang pakisabi.

Bawat laglag ng dahon ay
Ambagal sa 'king paningin—
Tulad rin lang ng tagumpay.

May nabasag na salamin—
Signos raw ng kamalasan—
'sa na namang pamahiin.

Lahat nga ba'y may dahilan?
Di ako naniniwala.
Lahat nga ba'y may hangganan?

H'wag ka nang magpaliwanag,
Hindi na kailangan 'yan.
Isa ka rin namang bihag.

Paulit-ulit ang búhay.
Inip na inip na ako.
Hanggang kaylan maghihintay?

Do Elves Cry?

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Sure, they do. Remember Arwen's shedding tears when she found herself caught in a dilemma—between joining her father and the rest of the Elves in the great journey to the Undying Lands and staying on Middle-earth for good, to be with her beloved Aragorn?

How about, "Do Elves Smile?" Check out the blog site of my friend, former Quorum officemate Leila Bondoc and read what she wrote about me.

Of course, Elves do smile too, but only sometimes, especially when Life is being fair.

Taken in February 2004 at Hemlock Valley Ski Resort, Agassiz, British Columbia, Canada

Valentine and I

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February 15, 2006
Wednesday

Valentine's Day, and I was home, but that's okay. I texted Charlotte and got to talk with her long-distance. More so, I sort of celebrated Valentine's last Saturday, when I had my first gig as haLf man haLf eLf.

At last, I have now my own little workspace in the room where I stay. I started organizing my computer files. The Internet connection is already working, although it gets disconnected once in a while. Tito Ren said that we better return the router that I bought at Computer Boulevard and then just let MTS (our Internet Service Provider) do the works, so that the technical support would not be a problem. Better! Since the computer store has a no-return policy, I'll just exchange the router with a 160GB hard disk drive—what I need for my ever-growing files.

This morning, MTS returned our call; a staff is scheduled to install the new, official router on Monday.

==

I began reviewing the printout of the lesson notes that I keyed on the computer last night. After lunch, I finally took Examination Two of my homestudy, online. The result? PERFECT again! I was relieved, because I was unsure of three of my answers.

==

At last, I have now Microsoft Office and Adobe Photoshop installed on my PC, courtesy of my friend Jason. I started tinkering with some photos, trying to recall all the Photoshop tricks that I learned when I was still an editor at Diwa Scholastic Press.

==

February 11, 2006
Saturday

"I thought that was Ian!" commented one Caucasian girl.

I said, "Ian who—Ian Veneracion?"

"Who the fvck is that!" she blurted.

Around lunch, I was already excited about the gig. That would be my first time to perform here in Canada, my first time to be back on stage to make love with my favorite music in public. Believe me, at this moment, while trying to relive in my mind the night I performed in a band again, I'm kind of teary-eyed; perhaps because, as friend / fellow vocalist Charmie commented on my Friendster gallery: "Welcome back to what we love to do best!"

My best-friend, former Half Life Half Death lead-guitarist Rain e-mailed to congratulate me, saying: "It's nice to know that you're back in your elements. You belong to the stage, as a performing artist. I'm happy for you...."

Yes, music—especially New Wave music—has become a very significant part of my life. It has always been my loyal companion in virtually any emotional state I'm in—happiness, sadness, nostalgia, ponderous, brooding....

I was glad also that Tito Ren and Tita Lucy with some of their friends—Tita Mimi and Tito Moses with their son, JR—and my friend Lhoy Cruz and her husband, Eugene, as well as former Diwa officemate/friend Connie Tuazon with three of her friends and her son, BJ, with two of the latter's friends, were able to attend the event.

Jason with family picked me up at around 6:30 and off we proceeded to his house, where we had a final runthrough of our set. I was glad that everyone was ecstatic about the concert—a good omen.

We arrived at the venue, Pampanga Restaurant, on Henry Avenue, at around nine. I was amazed to see that there were lots of people, as evidensed by the lack of parking space in the vicinity. The night was cold and breezy; the snow made the streets white and bright. I was sky as a kite.

Entering the venue reminded me of those moments with Half Life Half Death during our heydays—when people couldn't help but gawk at me. Everywhere I go, with my New Wave attire and hairstyle, even long-haired fellow musicians seem to feel as if they are reverted to their normal selves.

We were the last to play, but fortunately I was able to captivate and mesmerize not only the remaining audience but also the other bands. Almost half of the entire audience had already gone by the time we went up the stage. It was already past midnight. I was oozing with adrenaline nonetheless. I really gave my best shot. I sang my heart out and played the keyboards with zest.

There were some Caucasians in the audience who went to the dancefloor during our set.

"Your hair is fvcking awesome!" shouted one of them.

By the way, I hereby express my gratitude to the following persons for giving me a very impressive introduction: Ardie Sarao, who co-hosted the event, and Jimboy, the drummer of Night Troopers as well as the president of F.a.m.o.u.s. (Filipino Association of Musicians & Other Unknown Singers)—who produced the concert; and Jonjon of Aftertouch, who manned the mixer, for assisting me in setting up the keyboards.
==

The fellow bands which I was able to watch perform were Night Troopers, Codigo, Resurrection, Studio 69, 2MSU, and Jason's FourSight.

Night Troopers' playlist included "Keep the Faith" (Bon Jovi), "What It Takes" (Aerosmith), "Working for the Weekend" (Loverboy), and Ozzy Osbourne's "Crazy Train" and "Bark at the Moon." They had a very energetic set. The vocalist, Rommel, rendered easily even Steven Tyler's high notes. Jim, the president of F.a.m.o.u.s., is the drummer of this band.

Codigo played some The Ventures and The Beatles. There were a number of elderly couples who graced the dancefloor to the delight of the people waiting in line for dinner.

Resurrection and Studio 69 both played contemporary Alternative Rock radio favorites the likes of Green Day, Nickelback, Linkin Park, and Maroon 5.

2MSU, a mix of Filipino and Caucasian members, played Nu Metal stuff. The drummer pounded impressively like a crazy, speeding train. The vocalist and the guitarist rocked and rapped in distorted angst.

Because the night was becoming late and the remaning audience becoming restless, the three-piece FourSight (a.k.a. Fhamathou) had to cut down their set, leaving them to play "Gabay" by Siakol and two original songs.

Finally haLf man haLf eLf wrapped up the Valentine's concert in pure ecstasy, with a soulful and blasting set comprised by "I Melt with You" (Modern English), "Just like Heaven" (The Cure), "Today" (The Smashing Pumpkins), "Buhay-Karnabal" [a song I originally composed in 1999, with my other former band, Dream Kitchen], and "The One I Love" (R.E.M.).

As I walked down the stage, several members of the audience as well as some fellow musicians congratulated me for an act well done.

Our next gig will be on May 27, 2006, at PCCM (Philippine-Canadian Centre of Manitoba), on Keewatin Avenue, Winnipeg, Manitoba.

Next week, Emong Payaso and I will resume our recording project, the 3-song EP The Woes of Emong Payaso, which I hope to finish in time for the May concert.

This EP will contain three pieces of interrelated music:

"Mahiwagang gitara ni Emong Payaso"

"Parang karnabal—ganyan ang buhay ng tao"

"Walang tigil ang palabas sa entablado"

The Rebirth as haLf man haLf eLf

February 11, 2006
Saturday

Tonight I will be peforming as haLf man haLf eLf at Pampanga Restaurant on Henry Avenue, Winnipeg, Manitoba, along with ten other bands—Night Troopers, Studio 69, FourSight, Ardie & Friends, Aftertouch, Magnet, Illusion, Codigo, Side F/X, and Resurrection. However, Half Life Half Death was the name printed on the poster; when I finally decided on what moniker to use, the posters have already been printed.

Due to the lack of practice sessions (considering that my back-ups are not familiar with obscure New Wave tracks), we managed to polish only "Just like Heaven" (The Cure), "I Melt with You" (Modern English), "Today" (The Smashing Pumpkins), "The One I Love" (R.E.M.), and "Buhay-Karnabal" (Dream Kitchen). Some of the songs that didn't make it to our playlist were "Ring the Bells" (James), "Smile like You Mean It" (The Killers), "The Days Go By Oh So Slow" (Nightmare of You), and "The Boy who Never Goes Out" (The Lucksmiths). Better luck next time. Our next gig will be in May.

Members of FourSight (Jason and Rod) and Studio 69 (Roy, guitars) are backing me up. I will also play the keyboards on the side.

I was able to watch the practice sessions of two of my fellow bands. Night Troopers (Rommel, vocalist; Jun, guitarist; Willie, bassist; and Jimmy, drummer) cover Bon Jovi, Ozzy Osbourne, Aerosmith, and Loverboy. Aside from playing a few originals, FourSight (Jason, vocalist and guitarist; Noel, bassist; and Rod, drummer) will cover Siakol's "Gabay."

Magnet covers Grand Funk. Both Studio 69 and Resurrection do Contemporary Pop Rock. Codigo delivers The Beatles and The Ventures. Side F/X plays '80s Pop. Ardie & Friends fuse Jazz and R n' B.

==

Finally I received the confirmation from editor-in-chief Mrs. Rosalinda Cantiveros that my article "I Miss You" (along with a short biography and a photograph) made it to the forthcoming February issue of the semimonthly The Filipino Journal. Such a blessing! How I wish that I may be given a column of my own, which I intend to call "Into the Roots." For this I will write articles tackling Filipino Culture and Languages and, if permitted, Music. Wish me luck.

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Several days ago, I finally submitted to Stratford Career Institute via online my answers to the first examination of Module One of my homestudy. I received through my e-mail the results after a few hours...I got a perfect score! I was not expecting this; I thought I'd be having one mistake. Hehehe. Another blessing! How I wish to perfect each examination that I'd be taking.

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Tita Lucy reminded me again that I should already be taking the written test for driving. This will be my next assignment. I'm still on the "Road Signs" section of the manual. I promise myself to take the driving exam next month, March.

==

I already bought the flatscreen LCD monitor, router, and wireless adapter for my CPU. I now have my own PC in the room where I stay. The problem is, the Net connection is not functioning properly. Grr. Jason, who knows about computer troubleshooting, would help me fix the problem.

==

Thank you, especially to those who expressed their sympathy and empathy concerning my last blog entry about losing patience.

I'm feeling much better now.

As always, writing has been a great therapy for me.

Finally I thank my Muses, for always being here beside me, especially during cold moments before slumber.

If Patience is measurable, then

..
February 5, 2006
Sunday

"Pa, kakain na 'ho."

"Ayaw ko!"

"Pa, kelangan n'yong kumain. Sige na, para sa inyo rin 'yan."

"Sinabi nang ayaw ko e! Wag mo nga akong pakialaman."

"Pa, kakain na ho."

"Ano ba! Pabayaan mo na lang akong matulog."

"Hindi ho p'wede. Dapat kayong kumain kahit konti lang."

"P'tang inang buhay 'to! Patayin mo na lang ako! Hindi mo ko mapipilit."

"Pa, kakain na ho."

"Nagsisisi ako at pinapunta pa kita rito sa Canada. Wala kang utang na loob. Pabayaan mo 'ko sa gusto ko! Ba't mo ba 'ko pinakikialaman. Kundi dahil sa 'kin, hindi ka makakapunta ng Canada. Pinag-aral ko kayong magkakapatid. Pinagamot kita nu'ng nagkasakit ka. Mali ako na pinapunta pa kita rito."

"Pa, alalahanin n'yo, tao rin lang ako...nauubos rin ang pasens'ya ko...konti na lang, patid na ko. Wag n'yo ubusin ang pasens'ya ko... Kumain na kayo...."

How many men can expose to the world at large their ugliest, weakest, and most fragile state? Boys don't cry? Perhaps. But don't tell me men do not, for I do.

If Patience (P) is measurable and, say, My Total Patience (MTP) is set to, of course, 100 %, then My Current Patience (MCP) is running low = 10 %. Therefore, I hope that this remaining iota of MCP can still get me through the rest of the waiting process for my immigrant visa.

==

I'm scheduled to have my x-ray examination on February 16, as a requirement for my application for permanent-resident status. If the result is favorable (please, Deity of Hope, make it so!), Immigration will grant me an immigrant visa in April or May. This means that I will no longer be contracted as Grandfather's live-in caregiver. It means that I will then be able to pursue whatever career I choose. I will no longer be a prisoner of the house. My hands will no longer be bound with those of Grandfather's. I can now move on with my own life...the Life I offered...the Life they curtailed...a new, good life I have been looking forward to since the day, in 2003, I left my homeland. A better life I believe I deserve. The Life I will finally reclaim!

==

What will happen to Grandfather then, in case he's still alive when long-awaited Freedom arrives?

In mathematical parlance, I'm a believer of estimation, rounding-off, infinity, etc. To me, nothing is exact; no one remains the same from birth to death; no thing is left unchanged from creation to destruction. Parallel lines are parallel only in short distances. But, only one thing is sure.

Grandfather will go to a nursing home. Why? Simple. No one can ever replace me, considering all the factors that have surrounded my situation. No one will give up his job or her schooling OR his Freedom just to stay in the house and take care of a stubborn and pesky 90-year-old elderly virtually twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week...without salary nor regular allowance nor words of appreciation, consolation, or endearment.

Why not employ a daytime home-care attendant then?

Cannot be.

Who will replace the home-care attendant during nighttime? Who will stay awake practically the entire wee hours to accompany the old man to the washroom or just to check once in a while if he is still breathing or already as stiff as a pepperoni stick? Who will take all the old man's swords and stabs of hatred and resentment? Who will suffer the curse of having to stay almost wherever and whenever the old man stays?

==

Where's my conscience?

I don't deserve to be asked with this question.

I have been carrying the burden of having to take care of Grandfather for two years and six months now. Gratis! Is this not enough? Will I be buried eternally in the so-called debt of gratitude? What then of my sacrifices? my pains? heartaches?

==

I hope all of you will forgive me for I have lied.

I have to confess something serious.

I am not really an eLf. I am also a human like all of you. So, I too lose patience. I too get angry. I too keep ill feelings. I too utter curse words. I too cry and despair. And I too can leave a mess and move on with my own life without considering what other people will say of my decisions.

==

What then of Grandfather?

I no longer care what happens next. Really. By then, I will have done my part...my unfair share.

I am just a grandson--only one of Grandfather's twenty-two grandsons.

I now leave Grandfather's fate to his children--Tito Jun and Tito Bobby in California, Tita Mely in British Columbia, my mother in the Philippines, Tito Renyboy and Tito Gerry here in Manitoba.

I am not a hero. I am not a saint. I am not a savior. I am not (yet) immortal. In fact, as I confessed, I am not an eLf.

I am just a grandson who made a deal--take care of Grandfather for two years in exchange of a better life afterwards. Or, in the words of a dear friend: "Eat shit now, taste the candy later."

And the end of the deal is near. I will no longer detail who gave more and who gave less.

The important part is, I will have soon fulfilled my part of the deal. I will have done my part, regardless if I gave less or more.

==

Where's my conscience?

I will repeat, please don't ask me that question. I don't deserve it.

==

I love to see what Grandfather's children will do when I'm gone, what their plan for him would be.

As for me, I have new plans of my own. I have better things to do...this time, for me and only myself.

==

Where's my conscience?

Please! I said don't ask me that question.

MCP is running low.

Slurp life before it melts

.. .
February 2, 2006
Thursday

Another boring day, I peeked out the window; the snow has fallen again, making the neighborhood a perfect place, once again, to reshoot the Star Wars Hoth scene.

I just thought of making a CD sleeve for the compilation of Popsicle songs that I will be sending to Kristoffer, an acquaintance in the Philippines. Popsicle was a Swedish band whose career catapulted in the '90s, especially beloved by music enthusiasts who have the ear for bittersweet melodies.

After checking my e-mails and posting this useless entry, I will be heading back to the room to get back to my homestudy, listen to music, and perhaps take a noon nap. I always lack proper sleep at night because Grandfather is usually awake during the wee hours; and this prevents me from having a sound and normal sleep. (As if there's such a thing as normalcy these days!)

Later in the afternoon, we might go to the mall to check out and buy a flat LCD monitor for my own CPU, as well as a wireless router and a computer table. As of now, I am using my cousins' computer. Tito Ren suggested that I buy the necessary accessories so that I can have my own workspace in the room. Yes! What I've been waiting for! It's long overdue. Anyway, Grandfather will be the one to shoulder the expenses. Well, he should! I'm the one who's shouldering him. Besides, if The Filipino Journal opportunity pushes through, I would indeed be needing a workstation of my own.

Last night, after Corpse Bride, I watched The Joy Luck Club. My second time to watch this film; the last time I saw it was two weeks ago, when I was in Ontario. I highly recommend it or, better yet, the book. The Joy Luck Club is a novel written by Amy Tan.

Updating myself on the current preoccupations of some friends and acquaintances

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February 1, 2006
Wednesday

I spent some time after lunch posting new blog entries and reading entries on friends' blog sites.

Emerging from cyber-hiatus, caused chiefly by my Ontario expedition, I updated myself on the lives and current preoccupations of some friends and fellow bloggers.

Ria went to Cambodia and will be going to Qatar.

Alain is coping in Italy.

Butch discusses about "Emancipation."

Cousin Junar is currently "paralyzed in midplea."

Danielle has just posted new awesome pictures of birds.

Danu posted pictures of his beloved family in New Zealand.

Derrick is back, but still bitin!

Gitz decided to clean her Yahoo inbox; hmm, gotta do the same soon.

Ina & her family in South Korea has just relocated to a new home in the booming metropolitan city of Ulsan.

Jayce's father died recently.

Jefu posted a poem by Tanikawa Shuntaro, "Secret."

Jennie in Australia is excited about the forthcoming movie adaptation of Dan Brown's The Da Vinci Code.

New thought-provoking questions from the blog site of former comrade John Ponsaran.

Leila is now teaching in middle school!

Mabel has finally returned from a deep slumber and is currently ecstatic and hopeful about her newfound love.

Mary recently saw Andy Warhol's art exhibit.

Meanne rants about her current disappointments at her office.

Melchie, yeah, keep your blog site!

Mica attended the wedding celebration of her friends Maiete and Geoff.

New hilarious short poems by Nic.

Nix blogs about her disappointment with the recently shown movie adaptation of the first book of C(live) S(taples) Lewis's The Chronicles of Narnia.

Nono is holding a series of gatherings for his musical project Names Are for Tombstones.

Noreen's current favorite song is "Akin Ka Na Lang" by Itchyworms. And I learned why.

Penoi features my band Half Life Half Death on his blog site. Thanks! He also posted a picture of his officemate's impressive work of art which used staple wires.

Randy was featured in the November 2005 issue of Reader's Digest!

Retong shares his officemate's view about "life after the wedding day," that life went on
unchanged. Hmm.

Rona wrote a personal list of what were "The Best of 2005."

Sharima is still having the Holidays hangover.

Snoog writes meaty profiles of three of my most favorite British bands: The Smiths, Depeche Mode, and The Cure. He also included downloadable music files.

And last, and unfortunately the worst, Vayie got dumped! Oh well, think of the brighter side...New Year = new prospects!

The rest are yet to update their own blog sites. Busy! Busy! Busy!

===

Oh well, I got to log off now. Time to study. And later, I'll be watching Corpse Bride (2005) on DVD.

My secret senses nobody knows

. .
January 31, 2006
Tuesday

I called Mrs. Cantiveros of The Filipino Journal to inform her that I already e-mailed the condensed version of the article, "I Miss You," that she wanted to publish in the newspaper's Valentine's issue.

I continued reading The Hundred Secret Senses by Amy Tan. The character of Kwan reminded me of some of the concepts I learned from reading Carl Jung books—that the myths and even the realities in the mind of every individual are subjective, depending on her culture and the society in which she grew up, familial idiosyncrasies, and quality of education.

I spent two hours on my homestudy—reading the course module, Success in Society: Studies in Human Relations, and highlighting concepts and writing down notes.

While studying, my favorite music was playing softly in the background. On the player were albums by Balloon, Benny Profane, Bill Pitchard, Desert Wolves, James, and Modern English.

Before dinner, I watched In Her Shoes (2005) on DVD, starring Cameron Diaz. Obviously, I liked the scenes in which her character, Maggie Feller, was reading poems.

A small portion of my poetry-book collection

The poems featured on the film were "One Art" by Elizabeth Bishop and "i carry your heart with me(i carry it in" by e.e. cummings.

Several days ago, my Charlotte sent me a Friendster message in which she included the e.e. cummings poem. Such coincidence! Perhaps she also saw the movie.

The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.

—Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.

===

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
..................................................i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)