The Return of eLf ideas

ideas of an eLven being in Canada

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Do monks gnash their teeth once in a while, because of annoyance?


To all who took the time to appreciate and compliment me...thank you very much. However,

Please don't think that I'm that cool and good and that calmness and contentment have finally settled in my heart. Not yet!

I may have begun to earn my own money, but I am yet really to live on my own.

ALL I WISH right now is to have a fulltime job so I can move out of my relatives' house. The primary reason is nothing personal, but it's just that--I already blogged about this before--I'm already tired of having to cover a twenty-minute-walk distance from the house to the bus stop and vice versa when I get home. I couldn't remain in that situation, especially come Wintertime. I really need to have a vehicle of my own, but no matter if I learn how to drive quickly, my road test is scheduled not until February of next year, so whatever happens, I will certainly experience commuting during the Winter.

No person has the ability to walk that far when the temperature is below zero. And no person has the ability to get me out of this pathetic and miserable situation--no one will find a solution but myself.

I need security, certainty, and genuine concern.

How I wish that I can be out of anyone's debt of gratitude soon.

When Grandfather was still alive, I gave ALL that I could sacrifice--without accepting equal returns. Now that I'm the one who's needing basic support, I couldn't have it from anyone. I'm broad-minded, so I understand that people just couldn't, simply because they also have schedules and other preoccupations of their own.

But I'm still on my homestudy of Social Psychology, and because of this I'm becoming an expert in reading intentions, purposes, concerns, and motives.

All I want in the near future is to be able to live on my own, without having to be a "burden" to anyone, and at the same time, without feeling that my having to live with others is a burden on my own.

I have two options:

A friend who is soon renting an apartment is inviting me to join him and another common friend and share the rent with them, $300 monthly per individual.

Another friend, who owns a house, is offering a room for only $250 monthly, house's utilities may be used for free.

Both places are near bus stops. The first friend needs me so as to make the share of rent lesser. The other friend is offering a room in his house because he knew that I am having a hard time commuting. Two similar offers, two different reasons of offer.

Who, do you think, is the best choice? Hmm.

I'm sure that many will find what I'm writing here a bit cryptic and vague. But, I intend it to be this way.

All you need to do right now is read between the lines.

I have been reading between the lines most of my life here in Canada.

Once and for all, I no longer want to read between the lines. That Life is a poetry is already too much for me.

Right now, I want my Life to return to being a simple prose.

My short-term goal: ultimate independence as soon as possible.

When I finally have the chance to live in a rented room or apartment, my routine will be work-house, and I'll be okay with that. I will try to be a monk once again--this time, a monk for my own sake and not for anyone else's.

Long live the eLf! Long live the monk!


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