The Return of eLf ideas

ideas of an eLven being in Canada

Saturday, October 01, 2005

"When Is Sex [Mutually] Good?"

... .. . This is the first sign language depicting sex that I learned as a child. To this day, I still wonder why many people find sex disgusting, funny, or taboo. But strangely enough, many of such people fondly teach to children sexual gestures like the one in the picture as a form of amusement on their part, reducing the serious concept of sex to an unsavory humor. This is a vicious cycle which I will no longer pass to my children. With the help of my wife, I will educate them the domain of sex in a very academic and realistic manner.

Hypocrisy aside, sex is one of, if not the most interesting topic of discussion most, if not all people engage in...whether openly or secretly. Perhaps this has something to do with the fact that the human being—stripped of all logical faculties and the power of reasoning—is reduced to a carnal creature which regularly craves for sex for whatever reason, but mostly for gratification. (The Freud in me.)

Of course, this is highly debatable; but debate is not my purpose. I want simply to express my side of things as regards how couples achieve ultimate mutual pleasure (or displeasure, for that matter) in having sex.

The catalyst of this article is my friend Jennie's blog entry entitled "When Is Sex Good?"

So many opinions will expectedly be raised by many people—certainly diverse and polar thoughts. And, each of these opinions should be noteworthy, chiefly because everything will inevitably depend on the opinion-maker's upbringing, experiences, and knowledge as well as on countless other factors.

We cannot expect to hear the same opinion about sex from a priest, a sex therapist, and an adult-movie actor.
Don't expect to receive the same answer from someone who had been abused or raped as a child and from someone whose first sexual encounter was with someone she deeply loved.

I wouldn't even expect someone who is unfamiliar with the Kama Sutra or clueless about sex toys to agree with my opinions.

Bottomline: "When is sex good?" is an open-ended question. There is no definite answer. No one can ever formulate the single ultimate, best answer. For if there's such a prescription, then the question should have not been asked after all. I mean, if there's really a single way in achieving good, if not perfect sex, then there would be no therapists, no philanderers, no polygamists, no grouchy people...all everyone needs to do is simply follow that absolute rule. But, again, there are no rules...only opinions and guidelines which are all worthy of consideration.

I now offer my opinion, based on my own knowledge about sex—theoretical and empirical:

My idea of a great, if not perfect, mutually satisfying sex is the kind which combines love and lust in virtually equal degrees—meaning, both partners should be, in the first place, madly in love with each other as well as salivatingly lustful to have sex with each other.

Call it what you may—"sex," "fucking," "intercourse," "coitus," "lovemaking," "baby making," "pleasurable sharing of bodily fluids"—talk about semantics...most of these are just euphemisms—either politically correct or incorrect, it doesn't matter; for in the end, the equal yearning for each other and the seemingly insatiable itch to fuck and be fucked is what makes sex a blast!

In a nutshell, sex becomes a blast when
1. Love and lust emanating from both partners are present in virtually equal degrees
2. Both partners are madly in love with each other in the same degree they are lustful to have sex with each other
3. There's an equal yearning for each other and a seemingly insatiable itch to fuck and be fucked
4. Both partners are, during the session, willing participants (meaning, both should be in the mood for sex)
5. Both are willing to experiment: positions, accessories, places, dirty talk... (in this case, sex books such as the Kama Sutra is a prerequisite)
6. Both are physically and emotionally relaxed during the session (Don't expect a good sex between a couple during a moment when either is stressed out or exhausted or has just come from a tiring day. No amount of lust and passion can result in a satisfying session when the body is weak and too tired to respond to the stimulus.)

When is sex mutually good?

Sex is mutually good when love and lust burn within both partners during the encounter.


  • At Sunday, October 02, 2005 12:51:00 PM, Blogger Emme said…

    what about mindless, (maybe loveless) sex?
    You cannot possibly be engaged to the one you love all the time. Sometimes you are alone and can't find or have the one you love...
    but you can have amazing sex with someone you like and respect, be it a friend or a stranger. You take away commitment, and love, but you get curiosity, lightness. You can probably push yourself a little farther, try yourself...
    I am not sure what you mean with perfect sex, but I would say that what I am talking about is different, and could be no more no less perfect (in its own way) than the perfet love/lust cocktail you descibe.

  • At Sunday, October 02, 2005 3:46:00 PM, Blogger eLf ideas said…

    What you just said is worth considering. It is another way of looking at a sexual encounter.

    As I emphasized in my article: "No one can ever formulate the single ultimate, best answer."

    But, yes, you have your strong points and I respect these.

    Introspectively I was focusing on achieving a "good if not better sex" in a mutual situation--in which the "good sex" is achieved by both partners.

    But, analyzing your premise...yes, that's possible...I get your drift.

    For instance, a few female friends I know can achieve orgasm through masturbation. And, this, can be safely translated to good sex for that matter.

    Or, like what you exampled, a person can achieve good sex in an encounter with a friend or a stranger.

    Oh, well, sex is indeed a complicated concept.

    To reiterate: "There are no rules...only opinions and guidelines which are all worthy of consideration."

    Good luck on your sex life.

    In my case, I am yet to consummate it.


  • At Monday, October 03, 2005 2:35:00 AM, Blogger vayie said…

    You were right to point out that there's no general rule or prerequisite to say when SEX itself is considered "good" or... "fantastic". Be doing it randomly or with someone you are madly in love with.

    However, I'm just speaking for myself. I find it satisfying, gratifying and exciting if I'll be doing it because I'm so in love with. That's the only time I'd be able to do a "great performance" because definitely the doubts and inhibitions would disappear. The reason I think I can never see myself having an FB or a shagpal...

  • At Tuesday, October 04, 2005 8:34:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    the guy on the kamasutra cover has got boobies! lol.


  • At Wednesday, October 05, 2005 1:47:00 AM, Blogger leidivine said…

    In my humble but not-so-innocent opinion, sex is good when spirits commune.

    I guess the English refer to it as "making love." They are romantics, what can I say.

    But with or without love, the element that "humanizes" people is sex and sex alone.

  • At Wednesday, October 05, 2005 4:06:00 PM, Blogger eLf ideas said…

    Again, it depends...I mean concerning FB or s.p. as how you referred to it. It depends who your FB or s.p. is. In the past, I've had one who was a best friend. As long as you don't complicate the situation by getting emotionally entangled with each other, then your relationship as bestfriends cum shagpals can somehow be gratifying in its own way.

    By the way, a few female friends replied to this post of mine privately, saying that they could also achieve "good" sex on their own; I know you knew what they mean.

    Good luck. Don't limit your ability to achieve a blast just because you are partnerless at the moment.


  • At Wednesday, October 05, 2005 4:09:00 PM, Blogger eLf ideas said…

    That was also my first reaction when I first stared at the picture. Hahaha! After scrutiny, I realized the supposedly left boob of the male was, in fact, his left arm. Unless the "male" was a partial transexual who decided to keep the breast for added pleasure. Hahaha!


  • At Wednesday, October 05, 2005 4:19:00 PM, Blogger eLf ideas said…

    Don't forget also that this English romanticism, which we all learned from Literature, is fueled with passion, which is a euphemism for 'lust.' Have you ever thought why Romeo couldn't keep himself from visiting Juliet? Remember their first (or one of their firsts) meeting in a closet? They stayed there for hours. What they did there was better left in the imagination of the reader. ;-)

    And how about Abelard and Heloise?

    But, again, as I said, everything is subjective. Utter the words which, you think, will push the buttons effectively harder.


  • At Thursday, October 06, 2005 1:16:00 AM, Blogger leidivine said…

    Friend eLf,
    Yes, I agree with you. I guess, beautiful as the "ultimate" love story is of Romeo and Juliet, I still have never finished the entire novel and/or film depicting their story. I always fall asleep in the middle of it. And hopeless romantics would most definitely tag me as a subliminal virgin despite my so-called experience because of this.
    I was speaking from experience. he, he.
    But I am really happy to know somebody was able to open the topic of "sex" in my circle... I could really use exchanges like this because it SELDOM happens these days! :-)
    ciao mon ami.

    p.s. the word verification for this comment sounds like "excuse" if one is playing with its phonetics... then again, what does that have to do with sex?
    ....Excuse me?

  • At Thursday, October 06, 2005 1:50:00 AM, Blogger eLf ideas said…

    First, thanks for always making me feel that my thoughts and so-called eLf ideas matter. Don't worry, I try me best to express anything in a very educational, philosophical, and even spiritual manner (if I may add). I believe that a careful writer can tackle any "delicate" or controversial topic without appearing preachy, biased, intimidating, or antagonistic.

    For, in the end, perhaps only History and Literature can judge the validity, relevance, or significance of everything we are documenting now.

    Secondly, I think no one is excused from learning something about any topic.

    "How can one know that she doesn't know about it when she doesn't know it? For, if she didn't know about it, then she couldn't have said something about it."

    Thirdly, I still remember what I often say every time I conduct a project training at Quorum: "Any more questions? Better ask now to sate your minds. Remember, only questions never asked are the questions that remain unanswered."

    Lastly, that word verification is also amusing me. Perhaps you noticed that I've began ending each comment with that jumble of letters. It's fun! A literal play of words, err, letters.

    fclnlzd (Hmm, visually sounds like...never mind.)

  • At Thursday, October 13, 2005 11:55:00 PM, Blogger Joshua Dudley said…

    i would like to refer you to anna broadway's blog

    its called sexless in the city.

    she has quite a lot to say on the topic.

  • At Tuesday, October 18, 2005 1:43:00 PM, Blogger eLf ideas said…

    Thank you for fluttering by, and also for introducing me to Anne Broadway's blog site, which is truly interesting and informational.



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