Goodbye, Indefinitely...

My friend Connie (Tuazon), who also lives in Winnipeg, Manitoba, lent me these books several days ago. Perhaps it is a sign that I need to rest for a while the writer in me and unleash for the meantime the reader...

THIS! is it. Lest I become more and more redundant and obviously lackluster with my current writings, I now decide to take an indefinite hiatus.

No other reason I could cite but the boredom, the incurable homesickness, and the feeling of uselessness.

I'm missing my focus. I'm losing my sense of purpose.

I feel like a great talent whom has been put to waste and rot for the past twenty-three months. Okay, let's make it look positive...I'm a great talent being preserved and aged. But, my situation is again taking its toll on me. Even the finest wines have their expiry dates. By the time I get to free myself from this bondage and finally to work, I feel I'd be as dumb and clueless as a novice. I really feel like a prisoner waiting for his time to be released. I mean, have you ever wondered why many prisoners, who had been waiting all their lives in their cells for their release, had in the end chosen to remain incarcerated after all? I feel exactly the same way. I am like a prisoner who is altogether excited and scared to be freed.

I'm excited finally to be freed from my duties to my grandfather, but I'm also scared finally to be released into the real world of Canada. Because, I know the three years of my having been stripped of my right to work and decide on my own will certainly have a retarding effect on my personality.

This August, I'll be celebrating my second anniversary here in Canada, my second anniversary away from home, my second anniversary of being jobless, penniless, and useless to myself. And this means, I would then be eligible to apply for my permanent resident status; however, the possible approval of which after about another year will not mean I will be finally free...for no one will replace me as my grandfather's keeper. And this leaves me with only two choices--abandon the old man and go free OR stay put until his death.

And, knowing me, which do you think I will choose?

For now, no amount of pity nor encouragement nor even condolences can comfort my ever restless heart and uncertain mind.

So, I now take an indefinite leave from the cyberworld.

Like a hermit, I will once again retreat into my own nest...in the silent and non-interactive company of my books. I wish to be like a monk for the meantime, forever thinking and observing but never interacting nor responding.

I am hoping that in the silence of my self, my nest and my books I find a new source of hope, vigor, and inspiration.

But for now, I'm a firefly which has exhausted all its luciferin, thus losing the luminescence of its ass.

Goodbye for now.

I rest my fingers.

See me when the Light becomes bright again.

My deep gratitude to everyone who kept on fluttering by my site. Keep on cross-pollinating the eLf ideas of my mind.

This is your friend eLf, signing off...indefinitely...

..............................................................................................Away.
.......................................................................and
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