The Return of eLf ideas

ideas of an eLven being in Canada

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Saying Goodbye Is Always Difficult

"There are some things that the mind can ignore but the heart cannot." the mind trying to ignore the sentiments felt in letting go of precious memories; but the heart always trying to hold on to them, as possibly as it could.

Goodbye, Long Hair
Because I need to have photos of mine taken for my passport renewal, I had to cut my hair. Fortunately, I didn't feel any iota of regret when I finally put my hair into a ponytail and then cut the top. I was glad it turned out fine. I felt several years younger. I'm back to my being a boy-next-door. I'll just post my new look tomorrow, as soon as I have Grandpa take pictures of me on the digicam.

Goodbye, Piles of Paper
Because I need to sort out our (Grandfather and I) stuff, for we would be transferring to Winnipeg, Manitoba, as soon as possible—as soon as I finished taking care of my status/immigration papers like passport renewal, working-visa extension, and landed-immigrant-visa application—I had to dispose of unnecessary stuff such as piles of paper and old clothes. (Yes, after my second anniversary in August, I'd already be eligible to apply for my immigrant visa, which would finally allow me to have any job I want and to finally start my own life here; as long as no problems would arise concerning my papers. Oh, my friends, cross some fingers with me; especially that I'm always having bad dreams about returning home in a manner no one would prefer.)

I know that almost all of you have already experienced this chore—disposing off precious memoirs and other pieces of souvenir from our past. It was hard, wasn't it? Bidding goodbye to receipts, scratch papers, printout materials, stickers, and other what-have-yous. But I had to make a decision. My not having my own home yet compelled me to throw away as much stuff as I could. Even my old longsleeves, which are memorable because they were the clothes I used to wear in my band's gigs, I had to include in the black bag. I just took pictures of them, trying in that way to, at least, save the memories each article carries.

Goodbye, British Columbia
Because we're already "overstaying" here at the house in which my grandfather and I are currently holed, I have to sort out all our stuff and act double-time concerning the consolidation of the requirements for my immigration papers so we can already take a flight to Manitoba as soon as possible, where we would be transferring to our relatives there. However, because my status papers are here in British Columbia, I had to return in, maybe, September, to follow up the processing of my papers. But more important is, I'll be having a change of environment for a few months. I'm so sick and tired of feeling an outcast here in B.C. I'm already so exhausted in having to hear unsavory remarks just because Grandfather sometimes gives me money to buy candies. Money for only "candies" (if you know what I mean) and they're already always making a big fuss about it. My deities!! However, despite my being in a dilemma, as I said, I have to return in September; although Grandfather and I would be then staying at the house of another relative, my aunt with which we first stayed. I'm again trapped with having to choose between two "evils"; and this leaves me with no better choice but the lesser one.

Dante, where the hell are you! Save me from this seeming inferno! When will you allow me to enter paradiso?

Goodbye, Blog?
Of course, not! I'd be bringing my PC with me.

If there're three things which have been instrumental in keeping my sanity and sustaining my belief in myself, these are the following:

  • My fiancée, Charlotte, waiting for me in the Philippines, always loving and assuring;
  • My mother, sisters, nephews, and niece in the Philippines whose love and support they're always sending me;
  • and this belovèd blog of mine, my literary nest, in which my friends are also welcome to stay.


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