Making Love Again with a Real Journal

At last, I bought a new 200-page notebook which will serve as my journal. In fact, I've been filling its leaves on a daily basis as if I will die the next day. Please understand me, for in a situation like where I am at this stage of my life--far away from home, no trusted friends, and unable to go out of the house anytime--none can serve as a loyal listener and shock absorber every night--nothing and no one--but only a treasured journal, the kind which can be beside me patiently when I sleep.

In the coming days, all I need to do is transfer here whatever I may have written in my diary, leaving some very intimate details of course, not because I intend to be dishonest but simply because some feelings and questions I expressed there in my diary in many unguarded moments I feel unshareable especially with the people involved--at least not yet, but eventually, when I'm finally able to live on my own, without depending on relatives.

Until then, let me say that, despite the difficulties and frustrations I'm constantly experiencing at this stage, I'm coping...hoping...persevering...and believing that the dreams I have been weaving will soon come true.

Thank you, Mom, for being a very understanding and supportive mother. As I said, your unconditional love continues to make the child in me alive. Your soothing voice on the phone makes me feel like a helpless but persevering child.

Thank you, my sister Lovel and Ramil, for always thinking highly of me. And for letting me feel that every phone call is worth making.

Thank you, Kim, for always saying that I'm the best brother one can have. And yes, you are my favorite sister, and everyone in our family knows the reason.

Thank you, Karen, for never failing to remind me of my achievements and dreams--my reasons to go on. Most of all, thank you for saying that I excel in everything I choose to do.

Thank you, Nina, for your ability to take away the heaviness in my heart every time we chat. You can turn heavy conversations to light chitchats.

To Daddy, no matter if I seldom hear from and about you, I'm sure that you're safe wherever you might be and that you always think of me.

To my nephews Algae, Akev, Aki, Kali, and niece Arianne, remember my fairy tales and lore even when you're finally grownups...believe in them still.

the adopted eLf in the family.