How Do You Decide Who to Marry? Oh, Really Now

Forwarded e-mail messages seldom fascinate or interest me. I'd rather delight in reading short but personal messages from friends.

Nonetheless, a forwarded message I received today, entitled "How Do You Decide Who to Marry?", has pricked my sensibility, not because the answers awed me but because I felt sorry for most of the children responding to the survey for having become cynics so very early in life.

I'm not a fan of surveys, mainly because I believe that surveys are either fabricated by the people who conducted them for propagandistic or "mass-brainwashing" purposes or simply a reflection of the character of the responder or of the community to which the responder belongs.

I think the answers of the responders below, really, do not serve as a guide on how to decide who or when to marry; rather, the children simply reflected what they've learned so far about marriage and relationships from their very parents or, perhaps, from the relationships of the people surrounding them.

The Forwarded Survey (My reactions are in purple.)

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?
(1) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.—Alan, age 10

>>>This very well reveals that Alan's parents both like sports and that his mother might always be the one who prepares the food at home.

(2) No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.—Kirsten, age 10

>>>A daughter of very religious couple; or perhaps, Kirsten's parents are the types who always bring a bible and preach people with it.

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
(1) No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married.—Freddie, age 6 (very wise for his age)

>>>Well, well, I wonder how ugly the relationship of Freddie's parents must be. And, taking into consideration
Freddie's age, wouldn't it be safe to assume that Freddie, still so young to witness the internal affairs of other couples, is simply describing what he sees inside his own house?

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
(1) You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.—Derrick, age 8

>>>Again, would it be safe and fair to assume that Derrick and his siblings are the ones victims of the same yelling incidents by their parents? Or, maybe, that Derrick lives in a community where parents yelling at their children are commonplace?

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
(1) Both don't want any more kids.—Lori, age 8

>>>See? Simply a reflection of the state of affair of Lori's own parents. I pity Lori, for she would most likely grow up having a negative notion about having children. Can I also assume that Lori is on her way to developing a feeling that her parents do not love her for whatever reason?

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
(1) Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.—Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)

>>>I could imagine how Lynette's parents argue with each other. I assume that her father seldom speaks while her mother does the nagging; but when the father begins to talk, which is rare, the mother falls silent and listens.

(2) On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.—Martin, age 10

>>>I feel sorry for the concept about dating Martin has learned. He'd certainly end up going to dates preparing the most believable lies he could ever concoct. His relationships would certainly be founded by lies and deception. He'll always see women, like the way he sees himself, as liars and players trying to outdo their partners. Poor child. No, scary child! Ladies, beware: another heartbreaker in the making.

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
(1) When they're rich.—Pam, age 7

>>>Whoah! Where could Pam have learned that? Perhaps, Pam belongs to an affluent community, doesn't she? Pam's parents should, in fact, begin worrying about their daughter, for isn't Pam, this early, already revealing the person she would grow up to be; that is, a gold digger, who seeks love not for what it is but for financial security?

(2) The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.—Curt, age 7

>>>Another similar case of having parents who keep on ranting about 18 being the right age to have a relationship. Oh, well. And with the way Curt chooses his words..."I wouldn't mess with that," I chill to imagine how his parents discipline him.

(3) The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.—Howard, age 8

>>>As similar as the case of ten-year-old Kirsten, whose parents might have been the kind of people who are either conservative or hypocrites. "...the right thing to do"? Oh, pity! The reason there are many early and unsuccessful marriages—one kiss and that's it! Oh, parents like Kirsten's and Howard's, be reasonable.

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
(1) I don't know which is better, but I'll tell you one thing. I'm never going to have sex with my wife. I don't want to be all grossed out.—Theodore, age 8

>>>Another whoah! Can you imagine how Theodore's parents regard each other?

(2) It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.—Anita, age 9 (bless you child)

>>>I wonder what her mother has been instilling in Anita's mind. Is it safe to assume that Anita's mother either is simply a chauvinist or has an irresponsible husband, who goes home drunk and then vomits on the floor?

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
(1) There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?—Kelvin, age 8

>>>In fairness, Kelvin, for me, has the most unbiased response, somewhat free from taints of prejudice.

And the #1 Favorite is...
HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
(1) Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.—Ricky, age 10 (Smart Fellow)

>>>Wow! Very revealing indeed. I can now imagine how Ricky's mother looks like, and how his father is dealing with it. I pity the one who would end up marrying this little boy, who will most likely grow up a patronizer and deceiver rather than an honest gentleman who is unafraid to encourage others to better themselves.